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(First of a series on Anger)

Earl & Diane Rodd

Because home educating parents, especially mothers, are with their children constantly, the problem of anger cannot be ignored as it often is when families never spend time together. This pamphlet provides a Biblical look at what anger is, what causes it in the home and very practical suggestions for what to do about it.

Dealing with Anger

(First in a series)

Families Honoring Christ

"But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart
and a good conscience and a sincere faith."

Earl & Diane Rodd
6044 Pine Creek St. N.W. North Canton, OH 44720

Phone: (330) 305-9318

5th edition - July 1996

6th edition - May 1998

Permission is granted to copy this article for personal sharing
but not for sale or other commercial purposes.

FHC is an Ohio based ministry providing information, encouragement
and fellowship to Christian families, natural and spiritual.

Unless otherwise noted, All Scripture quotations are from the

New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1988,

The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

See fhc.rodd.us for further information including online versions of this and other booklets. Additional copies of this booklet may be ordered from FHC by writing to the above address. A full listing of other books and booklets on related topics is also available from FHC at fhc.rodd.us.

Dealing with Anger

Ephesians 3:14
14. For this reason, I bow my knees before the Father,
15. from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name,
16. that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man;
17. so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; {and} that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
18. may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
19. and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fulness of God.
20. Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,
21. to Him {be} the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Ever since our family began homeschooling in 1986, we have noticed one major recurring problem with home schooling families. Mothers have a problem with anger.

Difference Between Anger and Wrath

Ephesians 4:26
26. Be angry, and {yet} do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
27. and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Ephesians 6:4
4. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

In the above scriptures the words in bold italics come from the same Greek word (parorgizo[3949]) which means to provoke to anger. However, when this word is traced back to its root meaning (orgizo[3710]), orge[3709]) we discover one of God's hidden truths. It really means impulse or wrath. This word is translated as wrath thirty times in the New Testament. It is always used in the context of God's character, not man's. Wrath is something that only our holy, perfect God can ever express, and the end of time will see His wrath in fullness. The following verses give the best revelation into the wrath of God:

I Thessalonians 5:1
1. Now as to the times and the epochs, brethren, you have no need of anything to be written to you.
2. For you yourselves know full well that the day of the Lord will come just like a thief in the night.
3. While they are saying, "Peace and safety!" then destruction will come upon them suddenly like birth pangs upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape.
4. But you, brethren, are not in darkness, that the day should overtake you like a thief;
5. for you are all sons of light and sons of day. We are not of night nor of darkness;
6. so then let us not sleep as others do, but let us be alert and sober.
7. For those who sleep do their sleeping at night, and those who get drunk get drunk at night.
8. But since we are of {the} day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation.
9. For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,
10. who died for us, that whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him.

11. Therefore encourage one another, and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

The scripture is very clear. God does not want His children to experience His wrath. Wrath is an emotion and a behavior that belongs to God. We, as His creatures, must be very careful that we never indulge ourselves in wrath that oversteps our human boundaries and touches God's domain. Only the civil government (Romans 13:3,4) is allowed to move in this kind of wrath which has the power to take a life (punishment by death). Our responsibility is to keep ourselves free from wrath and to instruct our children to walk in the salvation of Christ with love and obedience to Him and thus escape the day of the wrath of the Lamb (Revelation 6:16).

This same Greek word for wrath also means impulse. We believe this is where home schooling mothers suffer their first mistake in training children and is thus the root cause of most despair and defeat. As we look into other New Testament passages, you will notice the word "wrath" is used, as well as anger. This is not the same Greek word that we have already examined. The word for "wrath" (thumos{passion}2372]) in the following passages is used in Revelation to describe the wrath of God. These two scriptures make it very clear that not only wrath but also impulsive anger is an emotion which humans are not to indulge.

Colossians 3:8
8. But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, {and} abusive speech from your mouth.

James 1:19
19. {This} you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak {and} slow to anger;
20. for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Most mothers who homeschool would readily acknowledge that all the scriptural commands that have been quoted are admirable but not easy to obey. A child seems quite adept at provoking his mother to impulsive anger! Why is this so?

Three Main Reasons for Conflict in the Home

  1. The mother is in the home school situation to learn and reveal godly patience.

    The Lord doesn't want His daughter to act on impulse or to be driven by outward circumstances (e.g a child's disobedient behavior). He wants the mother to learn how to be:

    1. quick to hear the Holy Spirit and obey His Word.
    2. slow to speak her own words.
    3. slow to vent her own emotions or her own anger.

    If a mother responds to impatient and impulsive temptations to anger with godly behavior, she will see the righteousness of God's kingdom manifest itself in her home. If she learns to be quick to hear God and slow to respond with her own words, she will hear the words of the Holy Spirit coming out of her mouth. It is only the Holy Spirit who can give a mother the wisdom she needs for each child and for each situation. When she relies upon her own thoughts or the ideas of someone else, she has left herself open to walk according to her own desires (her flesh) rather than to walk by the Spirit.

    Galatians 5:16
    16. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.

    May the following personal example explain how a mother is to receive God's ability to act like Him in her own home.

    One day I was left with the total responsibility to get the family ready to go on a trip to Washington D.C. My husband was working out of town, and I was to drive the three hour trip to my parents' home where he would meet us and where our youngest would be staying for the weekend. My oldest son was in college and was not available to help me pack the car. He is our greatest help in getting ready for extended trips, and I was responsible to pick him up on the way to my parents. So all was in my hands, and it had been a long time since I had done all the packing by myself. My 13 year old son had promised his father that he would not get distracted by his computer and would be available to help me do all that needed to be done. He was not able to keep his promise. He was distracted, frustrated, uncooperative and acting very rebellious!! I was not exercising God's patience at all. I was trying to be patient, but I was not allowing Christ in me to be patient. When my six year old son tramped across my clean kitchen floor (I like to return from a trip to a clean, orderly house), with extremely muddy boots, my "works in the flesh" came to complete fruition. My anger which can't bring God's righteousness exploded in words of desperation, frustration, weakness and futility. However, as I cleaned the mud off the floor, my Helper, the Holy Spirit, was right there inside me to speak to me so I could see this situation from God's perspective. The Lord showed me how He gave the earth and the responsibility of the earth to His people, and it is now full of sin! We humans have muddied up this earth again after God had wiped it clean in the flood, declared His intentions through Abraham and his descendents, and raised Jesus from the dead to conquer sin and satan. As I was wiping up the mud, I saw God's long suffering, His patience and my impatience, and the Holy Spirit gave me the ability to repent, the grace to forgive my sons and the faith and power I needed to finish my task and get us all safely to our appointed destinations with no more outbursts of anger. When my attitude aligned itself with God's character, my children got cooperative.

  2. The mother is in the home school situation to learn spiritual warfare.

    James 4:7
    7. Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

    Ephesians 4:27
    27. do not give the devil an opportunity.

    A mother must realize that she and her child have an enemy whose sole purpose is to steal their relationship of love and unity and to kill any testimony that the Lord's word is true. If a mother can learn to refuse the temptations of the devil to move in impulsive anger, then the Holy Spirit is able to show the mother how to submit to the Lord in the situation and know how to resist the devil and see him flee. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal to the mother if the problem at hand is a human problem (hers, the child's, or both), or if the enemy is the source of the problem and needs cast out of the situation. Not every discipline problem is a problem between just mother and child. Some problems have demonic (not self-will or flesh) origins, and those must be discerned with the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. When the demon submits to the mother's authority and is cast out of the situation, then unity, love, and peace will be achieved or restored.

    A mother is in a homeschool situation to learn the following truth,

    Ephesians 6:10
    10. Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might.
    11. Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.
    12. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual {forces} of wickedness in the heavenly {places.}
    13. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.
    14. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness,
    15. and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
    16. in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil {one.}
    17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
    18. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,

    The above scripture is a list of necessary armor and weapons to learn how to use. Like David in Saul's armor, another's armor won't bring the desired victory over the evil one. Only the armor of the Holy Spirit will work, and only He can show a mother how to walk in it and how to pray effectively in each and every situation she encounters. As she learns the truth, reality, and victory of spiritual warfare in her own home with herself and her own children, she is trained to help others whom the Lord may send to her. Thus the enemy is resisted, and the Lord is exalted and glorified when the mother and child learn to resist the real enemy and not battle each other (flesh and blood). The secret is learning how to pray in the Spirit from God's heavenly perspective rather than praying from a limited earthly perspective.

    An example of spiritual warfare is in The Way Out of Anger, the 3rd pamphlet in the Anger series.

  3. The child is in the home school situation to learn how to obey and honor his father and mother "in the Lord".

    This is the child's first requirement as a true disciple of Jesus Christ. A home educated child who is not taught how to obey "in the Lord" is not being disciplined correctly. When a child's anger is provoked because he isn't being disciplined and instructed "in the Lord" by his father, the mother and child are in a continual collision course all day long! "In the Lord" implies a relationship with Jesus through the person of the Holy Spirit that motivates the internal heart submission of all the members of the family. No person, adult or child, can obey the perfect will of God without the grace of the ministry of the Holy Spirit. Parents who try to train their children to obey the Word of God without relying on the person and work of the Holy Spirit, will be very discouraged, disappointed, and find doubt and unbelief stealing the truth of God's word rather than having experiences of true repentance and victory over sin that proves the Word of God.

What is God's remedy to these situations which have the inherent potential to by-pass the father's role in the home?
  1. The mother must submit to the Lord's ways all day. Throughout the day it is the mother who teaches the child by her example in word and deed how to love and obey Father God and how to love, honor and respect the human father in the home. Whether the father works in the home or outside the home, this is a mother's first priority.
  2. When the father returns to the home, he must deal with any infractions that the mother and child were not able to solve themselves. Those that were solved need to be reviewed with the father so that he can share his discernment or approval of the solution and/or make any adjustments or corrections.
How is a mother to know if a conflict has not been resolved?
  1. There will be no peace during the day.
  2. Another conflict over another issue will quickly surface.
  3. This will repeat itself over and over throughout the day.
  4. The mother will be in despair and defeat when the father returns to the home.
  5. The child will always be close to tears or explode in outbursts of anger toward the mother or toward other members of the family (siblings, father).

All Involved Must Be "In the Lord"
All of the above occurs because the child does not have heart submission toward the mother's delegated authority. It is the father who must teach by example and by his deeds his love of the Father and his love, honor, and respect for the mother, but the father must also expect or enforce that same respect in the child. Where there is no honor or submission to the mother, there is no peace, and the father is the only one given authority by God to rectify this problem with the Biblical discipline of the rod. No one can do it for the father. If the father does not discipline correctly "in the Lord", the child's behavior will eventually manifest dishonor and disrespect for the father. The father's first priority is to show by example in word and deed his love for the FATHER. HIs second priority is to reveal in word and deed his love, respect, and honor for his wife. His third priority is to learn how to discipline his wife and his children "in the Lord". A husband disciplines his wife by teaching her the word of God (Ephesians 5:26) and helping her obey it as the Holy Spirit reveals; husbands do not use a physical rod on their wives! Thus the father must learn to discern for both mother and child when

  1. the "self" needs to be denied. (mother and child)
  2. the "flesh" needs to obey the Spirit. (mother and child)
  3. the "devil" needs to be resisted. (mother and child)
  4. what kind of "rod" needs to be used. (child only)
Some child training books advocate the exclusive use of the physical rod on a child. The following scriptures are used to justify the exclusive use of the rod.

Proverbs 13:24
24. He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 22:15
15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Proverbs 29:15
15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

The teaching that recommends the exclusive, indescriminate application of a physical rod use these proof texts because the Hebrew word shebet(7627) means rod, staff, club, scepter, tribe. This word is most often translated tribe or tribes (120 times). Thus we can discern that the word does not imply the exclusive use of the physical rod or a bendable stick.

When we look into the Hebrew word choter translated "rod", which does means "a branch or a twig, a rod"(2415), "a bendable, flexible stick", we discover it is only used in two places. It is used once as "rod" and once as "shoot".

Proverbs 14:3
3. In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for {his} back, But the lips of the wise will preserve them.

This scripture says that the words coming out of the mouth of a foolish person is the actual rod that is applied to his/her physical body. Thus the word of God reveals again that there is a link between the words of a person's mouth and a rod. This verse tells us that there is an immediate application of the rod of discipline that is the consequence of the words of a fool. It is the wrong use of the mouth and the words themselves that is the rod of discipline.

Proverbs 10:14 also shows a link between words and an immediate consequence of those words.

Proverbs 10:14
14. Wise men store up knowledge, But with the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand.

The words coming out of the mouth of a foolish person, adult or child, brings the ruin which is the immediate application of the Biblical rod of discipline. Thus these two verses reveal that a "physical rod" is not necessary to bring the rod of discipline on a person, child or adult, that is acting foolish.

If we examine the word "foolish"(191) in this verse to the "foolishness"ivveleth(200) found in Proverbs 22:15, which also uses the word "rod", we discover both of these words come from the same Hebrew word evil(191). Thus we can deduce that a child or an adult who is acting foolishly, is saying words that are bringing the rod of correction to himself/herself. The parent needs to be very careful of adding the "physical rod" when the child's mouth amd thus his resultant behavior is already placing him/her under the consequences of his/her foolishness (guilt and condemnation are automatic).

Proverbs 22:15 tells us the problem of the mouth of the foolish is in the heart.

Proverbs 22:15
15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

When we look into the New Covenant to examine the teachings of Jesus on this subject, He says,

Mark 7:20
20. And He was saying, "That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man.
21. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries,
22. deeds of coveting {and} wickedness, {as well as} deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride {and} foolishness.

Thus Jesus also teaches that "foolishness" is a heart problem. Thus we need to see how Jesus dealt with the heart problems of those who were foolish around Him because that will reveal to us how He disciplines the heart of the parent as well as the child.

Jesus never used a physical rod on the Sadducees and the Pharisees who were foolishly rejecting His teaching, His miracles, His provision, His gift of repentance, His grace, His mercy, His compassion and His revelation concerning the FATHER. He used a whip of cords only once, and we have no description that He applied it to a person's body. If Jesus never used a "bendable twig or branch" on a person to discipline them when they were acting foolishly, how did He train them?

Proverbs 22:6
6. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

When Jesus walked on earth, He consistently trained through His patient use of the words of the Holy Spirit that came from His own mouth. Jesus is always after a repentant change in the heart. He is not pleased with outward obedience that is rooted in a fear of punishment.

I John 4:18
18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.
19. We love, because He first loved us.

He teaches

John 14:15
15. "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.

The parent/child relationship based on loving God and obeying Him will always be seeking to be led by the Holy Spirit and will bear the fruit of loving each other which is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

It is the Living Word of God (Jesus) and not a dead branch of a tree that touches the human heart that brings change in words and behavior. The other translation for choter is "shoot" which is an Old Testament word describing Jesus, the Messiah.

Isaiah 11:1
1. Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, And a branch from his roots will bear fruit.

Jesus was born into the lineage of Jesse and King David. Jesus Himself is the perfect "bendable branch" that is the rod of correction. When We we are abiding in Jesus and abiding in His words, we are able to pray correctly concerning the discipline within the home, and Jesus promises that those prayers will be answerd.

John 15:4
4. "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, so neither {can} you, unless you abide in Me.
5. "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing.
6. "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch, and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7. "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you.
8. "By this is My Father glorified, that you bear much fruit, and {so} prove to be My disciples.

Thus the words of Jesus, which can be used as a rod of correction, are the safest way to Biblically discipline a person, child or parent. The writer of Hebrews understood that an internal heart change can only be accomplished by the Living Word of God.

Hebrews 4:12
12. For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
13. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.

The written word of God can be used harshly and legalistically, so parents must be very careful that we understand that the Holy Spirit is the one who knows which specific word of God is necessary for discipline and correction for the family members. Paul explained it this way:

I Corinthians 4:14
14. I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.
15. For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet {you would} not {have} many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel.
16. I exhort you therefore, be imitators of me.

It is the preaching of the gospel with the power of the Holy Spirit that brings about the relationship of child and parent into that which pleases God.

I Corinthians 4:19
19. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant, but their power.
20. For the kingdom of God does not consist in words, but in power.
21. What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness?

We find no description of Paul ever using a "bendable branch of a tree" (rod) on someone who was not obeying his teaching. However, he wrote many letters (epistles) to correct the errors or foolishness that was rampant in many of the churches that he himself had "fathered".

Paul also wrote

II Timothy 3:16
16. All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness;

This verse tells parents to place the word of God as the first place for reproof, correction and training in righteousness. Even though the word of God reveals that a rod of discipline is required in child training, it is very important that we fully believe what the Bible says that "rod" actually is. The words in a person's mouth.

A child who has solved his day time problems with his mother "in the Lord" (the Biblical use of rod may have been used by the mother to accomplish this) will have no fear of his father's return to the home. The joy and excitement of the shared testimony of Jesus' victory over self and Satan brings glory to God, encourages the father, and silences the lies of the enemy. However, the child who has not resolved his conflicts with his mother during the day will only experience true fatherly love when his father returns to the home and takes the time to discipline him correctly "in the Lord".

Proverbs 27:5
5. Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed.

Hebrews 12:8
8. But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

Fathers who do not take the time to "discipline and instruct in the Lord" (to seek the Lord in these areas and obey His Holy Spirit) will discover the child becoming more and more rebellious as the days go by, and the mother having more and more problems with her own anger. Her anger may at times come flashing forth at the father for no apparent reason.

A father needs to have the same attitude towards the members of his home that Paul had towards the Corinthian church.

I Corinthians 4:18
18. Now some have become arrogant, as though I were not coming to you.
19. But I will come to you soon, if the Lord wills, and I shall find out, not the words of those who are arrogant, but their power.
20. For the kingdom of God does not consist in words, but in power.
21. What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod or with love and a spirit of gentleness?

Only the Lord knows the true intents of the heart. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal what is necessary to reveal the true condition of a human heart. When arrogance and pride (satan's kingdom) is causing havoc in a home, the father must rely upon the Holy Spirit to show if the rod of correction is needed or a spirit of gentleness. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal the root cause of the problem. Only the Holy Spirit can reveal which member of the family needs to repent so the peace of Christ is evidenced in the home.

The first three chapters of Revelation make it very clear that we are to learn how to be overcomers. Homeschooling parents need to see that every conflict, every situation, every problem, and every disobedience must be discerned "in the Lord."

The following pages are some practical steps your family may use as a model to establish the Kingdom of God into your home. Remember:

Romans 14:17
17. the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

All instruction "in the Lord" must be done orally before a child can read and write. The main goal of the discipline time is to obtain the child's understanding. Be sure the child understands that obedience to the Holy Spirit is the narrow path to blessing and joy; disobedience (obeying self or Satan) is the broad path to punishment and sadness.

Once a child reaches the age of eight or nine, (has no problem with reading or writing) the following should be written and kept in a Discipline Notebook. Every serious infraction that the mother has to deal with is recorded in an orderly fashion for the father to peruse when he returns to the home. Those that have been solved can be discussed by the father and child so that the father has the opportunity for godly training and teaching "in the Lord." The problems that have not been solved will need the father's intervention. Once the father has returned to the home, the mother is out of the situation. It is not her business what particular correction, instruction, discipline, or chastisement the father chooses. However, she is the only one who can inform him if the "discipline and instruction" has brought about the desired behavior - the child's obedience to the Holy Spirit during the next day. If the mother has not disciplined the child correctly, she too must submit to the father's discernment, adjustment and instruction.

The last page of this pamphlet shows a procedure which can be used as is or modified as the Lord directs by each family to fit its house rules, etc. No matter how your family structures the discipline and training of the child, that structure must include a biblical pattern that gives the father the opportunity to exercise and practice his biblical role in the home. The following material is submitted as an example to assist families in hearing what the Holy Spirit may be saying about godly discipline of children.

The provided procedure is to be followed when a child in the family needs correction. All material is to be written on notebook paper and kept in a binder marked "Discipline".


The parent reads the following Scriptures which are promises concerning believer's children. He reads them aloud to himself and to the child to be reminded of God's perspective and to establish faith in God's promises and not in his own efforts.

Deuteronomy 30:6
6. "Moreover the \Lord\ your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the \Lord\ your God with all your heart and with all your soul, in order that you may live.

Psalms 37:25
25. I have been young, and now I am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Or his descendants begging bread.
26. All day long he is gracious and lends; And his descendants are a blessing.

Psalms 103:17
17. But the lovingkindness of the \Lord\ is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children's children,
18. To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them.

Psalms 69:35
35. For God will save Zion and build the cities of Judah, That they may dwell there and possess it.
36. And the descendants of His servants will inherit it, And those who love His name will dwell in it.

Psalms 112:1
1. Praise the \Lord\! How blessed is the man who fears the \Lord,\ Who greatly delights in His commandments.
2. His descendants will be mighty on earth; The generation of the upright will be blessed.

Isaiah 54:13
13. "And all your sons will be taught of the \Lord\; And the well-being of your sons will be great.

Psalms 90:16
16. Let Thy work appear to Thy servants, And Thy majesty to their children.

Isaiah 44:3
3. 'For I will pour out water on the thirsty {land} And streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring, And My blessing on your descendants;
4. And they will spring up among the grass Like poplars by streams of water. '
5. "This one will say, 'I am the \Lord's\'; And that one will call on the name of Jacob; And another will write {on} his hand, 'Belonging to the \Lord\,' And will name Israel's name with honor.

Isaiah 59:21
21. "And as for Me, this is My covenant with them," says the \Lord\: "My Spirit which is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth, shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your offspring, nor from the mouth of your offspring's offspring," says the \Lord\, "from now and forever."

Isaiah 65:23
23. "They shall not labor in vain, Or bear {children} for calamity; For they are the offspring of those blessed by the \Lord\, And their descendants with them. #

Proverbs 11:21
21. Assuredly, the evil man will not go unpunished, But the descendants of the righteous will be delivered.

Psalms 102:28
28. "The children of Thy servants will continue, And their descendants will be established before Thee."

Deuteronomy 29:29
29. "The secret things belong to the \Lord\ our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law.

Isaiah 49:25
25. Surely, thus says the \Lord\, "Even the captives of the mighty man will be taken away, And the prey of the tyrant will be rescued; For I will contend with the one who contends with you, And I will save your sons.

Acts 2:38
38. And Peter {said} to them, "Repent, and let each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
39. "For the promise is for you and your children, and for all who are far off, as many as the Lord our God shall call to Himself."

This last scripture reminds us of God's goal. He wants each of us to receive His gift of repentance as the Holy Spirit indwells us. This promise is not limited by age, maturity, education or status in society. No one can live the Christian life apart from the Holy Spirit. To try to do so is fruitless, aggravating, frustrating and hypocritical. Anything we can do in our own strength robs God of His glory. Each member of the family must learn to rely upon the Holy Spirit for God's will to come to pass on the earth as it is in Heaven.

II Corinthians 12:9
9. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
10. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.


The parent or the child can read these Scriptures aloud. They reveal not only the necessity for discipline, but they also reveal God's purposes in discipline.

Ephesians 6:1
1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2. \Honor your father and mother\ (which is the first commandment with a promise),
3. \that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth\.
4. And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:20
20. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
21. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.

Proverbs 13:24
24. He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Proverbs 19:18
18. Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

Proverbs 19:20
20. Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.

Proverbs 22:6
6. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:15
15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Proverbs 29:15
15. The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17
17. Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.

James 1:19
19. {This} you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak {and} slow to anger;
20. for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Hebrews 12:11
11. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Read the following scriptures: Hebrews 12:3-17 and Exodus 20:1-17.

Hebrews 12:1
1. Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
2. fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart.
4. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;
5. and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
6. For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives."
7. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom {his} father does not discipline?
8. But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.
9. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?
10. For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He {disciplines us} for {our} good, that we may share His holiness.
11. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
12. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble,
13. and make straight paths for your feet, so that {the limb} which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
14. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.
15. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;
16. that {there be} no immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a {single} meal.
17. For you know that even afterwards, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.

Exodus 20:1
1. Then God spoke all these words, saying,
2. "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
3. "You shall have no other gods before Me.
4. "You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth.
5. "You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me,
6. but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
7. "You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.
8. "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
9. "Six days you shall labor and do all your work,
10. but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; {in it} you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you.
11. "For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.
12. "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
13. "You shall not murder.
14. "You shall not commit adultery.
15. "You shall not steal.
16. "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
17. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

Matthew 22:34
34. But when the Pharisees heard that He had put the Sadducees to silence, they gathered themselves together.
35. And one of them, a lawyer, asked Him {a question,} testing Him,
36. "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"
37. And He said to him, "'\You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.\'
38. "This is the great and foremost commandment.
39. "The second is like it, '\You shall love your neighbor as yourself.\'
40. "On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

Mark 12:28
28. And one of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, "What commandment is the foremost of all?"
29. Jesus answered, "The foremost is, '\Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord\;
30. \and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength\. '
31. "The second is this, '\You shall love your neighbor as yourself\.' There is no other commandment greater than these."
32. And the scribe said to Him, "Right, Teacher, You have truly stated that \He is One; and there is no one else besides Him\;
33. \and to love Him with all the heart and with all the understanding and with all the strength, and to love one's neighbor as himself\, is much more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices. "
34. And when Jesus saw that he had answered intelligently, He said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God." And after that, no one would venture to ask Him any more questions.

Obey the following instructions:

The numbers 1-6 are done with the help of the parent in the presence of the Lord. Numbers 7-8 are done alone.

  1. Which of our family's house rules have you disobeyed? Write it down. (1)
  2. Which of the 10 Commandments of Father God have you disobeyed? Write it down.
  3. Which of Jesus' Commandments have you disobeyed? Write it down.
  4. What do you need to do to fix this problem? Write down what you need to say.
    1. Please forgive me Father for ____________________________________________.

      I John 1:9
      9. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    2. Please forgive me ______ for ____________________________________________.
    3. Go to your brother in the Lord and ask for forgiveness and kiss your brother in the Lord. Write down the time you obeyed this.

      Ephesians 4:32
      32. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

      Luke 17:3
      3. "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
      4. "And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him."
      5. And the apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!"

      Always remember it requires faith to forgive. Forgiveness must be worked in the heart even if the offender doesn't ask for forgiveness. Those who walk in unforgiveness towards any one will suffer torment and bondage.

      Matthew 18:33
      33. 'Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, even as I had mercy on you?'
      34. "And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.
      35. "So shall My heavenly Father also do to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart."

  5. What punishment does this disobedience deserve? Write it down.
    1. The Rod
    2. Restitution
    3. Loss of Privilege
  6. Go to parent(s) and explain what punishment you deserve and why.
  7. What positive teaching from the Bible do you need to research? (2) Copy those specific verses into your "Discipline" notebook.
  8. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you personally about this situation? Write it down.
  9. What CHARACTER QUALITY of the Holy Spirit (3) do you need to ask Father to bring to maturity in you? Write it down.
    1. Father, please release in me the desire to ___________________________________.
Correction in the Lord is not complete until the following has been read and believed by both the parent(s) and the child.

Psalms 103:1
1. ({A Psalm} of David.) Bless the \Lord,\ O my soul; And all that is within me, {bless} His holy name.
2. Bless the \Lord,\ O my soul, And forget none of His benefits;
3. Who pardons all your iniquities; Who heals all your diseases;
4. Who redeems your life from the pit; Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5. Who satisfies your years with good things, {So that} your youth is renewed like the eagle.
6. The \Lord\ performs righteous deeds, And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7. He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the sons of Israel.
8. The \Lord\ is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9. He will not always strive {with us}; Nor will He keep {His anger} forever.
10. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12. As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13. Just as a father has compassion on {his} children, So the \Lord\ has compassion on those who fear Him.
14. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are {but} dust.
15. As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16. When the wind has passed over it, it is no more; And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17. But the lovingkindness of the \Lord\ is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, And His righteousness to children's children,
18. To those who keep His covenant, And who remember His precepts to do them.
19. The \Lord\ has established His throne in the heavens; And His sovereignty rules over all.
20. Bless the \Lord,\ you His angels, Mighty in strength, who perform His word, Obeying the voice of His word!
21. Bless the \Lord,\ all you His hosts, You who serve Him, doing His will.
22. Bless the \Lord,\ all you works of His, In all places of His dominion; Bless the \Lord,\ O my soul!

Please remember man is capable of performing a religious ritual to please others to gain approval and to be accepted. Do not be fooled by "apparent" repentance. Tears don't always indicate a true heart repentance. The gift of repentance comes from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. It remains in God's hand to change a person's heart. When the heart has truly received the conviction of sin from the Holy Spirit, the hatred of sin will also be evidenced, and the outward behavior will change and reflect the change that has occurred within the heart. To God be all the glory for His work within us. No man can boast.


  1. 21 House Rules is available from Greg Harris, Christian Life Workshop, 180 S.E.Kane Rd., Gresham, OR 97080
  2. Use a Bible Concordance to find these. Also the following booksmay be useful. Proverbs for Parenting Lynn Decker, PO Box 2224, Boise, ID 83702-2224 You Will Never Be the Same Basilea Schlink, Dimension Books, Bethany Fellowship,Inc., MN
  3. Galatians 5:20 - Fruit of the Holy Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Copyright by Earl & Diane Rodd